According to Newt Gingrich on Meet The Press we are pretty much in the long anticipated sequel to WWI and WWII. Since creativity isn’t an option with policitians we shall call this sequel WORLD WAR III. (Love Roman numerals. They’re so fetch.)

Newt Gingrich: “We’re in the early stages of what I would describe as the third World War and, frankly, our bureaucracy’s not responding fast enough and we don’t have the right attitude.”

Scholars and random forum nerds, all much brighter than myself, can’t be wrong: all them countries involved in the fightin’, it’s gotta be the Third World War.

Good. I’m glad. Let’s get it done and over with. Since a rather popular book (hint: usualy black cover, has lots of death and incest in it) has been hyping up all annihilating conflicts for quite some time now a lot of folks can’t help but EXPECT a megawar to happen. Or several.

The most important question above all of course is: How will this World War III affect the porn world?

I’ve got good news. There’ll be more of it than ever. Oh yeah. Think about it. People are stressed and fearful. What’s the best relief of stress and fear? That’s right, sex. What’s a great way to get sex if actual pussy or ass isn’t readily available. That’s right again – PORN.

The more conflicts, the more hate, the more fear, the more suffering and chaos the more people will seek out little havens of joy. There’s nothing quicker than firing up your computer, going online and typing in one of our handy little URLs.

While I’m at it, I predict a rise in consumers spending money on little luxuries such as overpriced cheesecake, tech trinkets, thousand-dollar bedroom curtains and other stuff that makes them happy for a minute. This is a very common phenomenon we see everytime the some country gets a hair up its ass and starts to declare war on somebody.

So yeah, I’m all for a big ass war, as long as I’m not going of course. And I’m not going because quite frankly I don’t give a shit about what those clowns are fighting for. Just dont’ give a shit, not worth my time and certainly not worth my blood.

I’m not going to provide figures or proof of my theory, I’m way too busy preparing my bomb shelter. But do some research on this and you’ll see my theory isn’t just a bunch of hoopla. Well, it is but it’s factual hoopla.

Hey look, cyanide pills are on sale. Those might come in handy…